I’ve been learning how to walk again. This is a lengthy post about my recovery from a lower back/spine problem. I’ve added tips about how I manage recovery mentally and physically.

The Christmas and New Year period were for me emotionally tough (first without my mother who passed last year), then very physically challenging. I am only now, 8th January, feeling like I’m making strides towards a recovery of some kind.

Here’s a brief overview of what happened to me, from Boxing Day onwards.

On the 26th December, the weather in Scotland was unusually fine. I had endured two atrocious days of bad weather, waiting for Ben Nevis to ‘come into condition’. Boxing Day was the weather window, and I was beyond excited to complete the return trip from Loch Linne to the summit. I made a video which I’m still editing, but need to be back home to finish properly. Yes, that’s right, I’m still not back yet. Bear with me…

27th December: Feeling fine, though a bit achey, I enjoy a tourist day pottering around Fort William, mostly in the search of a fine whiskey. I don’t actually drink that much but I figured a bottle to keep for years and enjoy a dram once a year would be a nice way of remembering my trip. I would get far more memories than I bargained for. I settled on a bottle of Ben Nevis with a companion glass.

28th December: I rose to a slight twinge in my back. Had breakfast and then returned to my room, ready for the long drive south. My movements were becoming rapidly more difficult in my back which was worrying. I asked for help from porters to transfer my bags to my car which was in itself concerning for me. Before long, I was completely unable to move, sat on the corner of my bed, concerned to say the least. How was I going to get home?

The porter arrived and I explained I could no longer move. The hotel sprang into action and treated me as a medical emergency. 999 was dialled, then 111, then I was given an emergency out of hours appointment with a GP. I was losing sensation in my toes and the bottom of my back. Painkillers, hot and cold compresses all made the problem worse. Soon I was immobile and in great pain. I only barely managed to get to the health centre in town, due to the kindness of a local taxi driver.

I failed several of the GP tests for movement and was then transferred rapidly to Inverness hospital in an ambulance. Blue lights and sirens. The whole works. Terrifying. I was given IV Ibuprofen which massively helped with the pain. By 7pm, I had been received by orthopedics, given an MRI scan and lots more painkillers. Doctors told me that my back had seized up and trapped a nerve. Initially they had assumed a case of Cauda Equina (Google it) but thankfully this turned out to be incorrect. They prescribed painkillers, gentle exercise, and lots of patience. It would take weeks to recover. I paid for a taxi back to Fort William and then stayed one extra night there. I still faced the epic drive back…

29th December: I tried to drive back, barely able to move my legs. I managed Fort William to Tyndrum, the first services. I got out the car and endured pure agony while trying to stand, nearly collapsing in the car park. Several first aiders came to my help as a gale force wind and rain battered me. We all stood in a huddle with an emergency shelter over me. I was given a wheelchair and taken to a store room at the back of a cafe. I owe much to their team, and one lady in particular who gave me shelter, warm drinks and then accommodation for two nights.

30th December: A frantic search for a solution – how to get back home? I needed someone to drive me. I went through my entire phone contacts and sent out an SOS…the weather was worsening, with an Amber Warning from the Met Office. Things were not looking good. And then, at 7pm, a text from a friend. ”Do you want me to pick you up from Scotland?” YES!!!

I started, at this point, to establish what I call a ‘baseline’ of ability. A measure of what you can do. This is essential to set goals, gain positive mindset, and work towards a recovery. My baseline was the ability to shuffle to a cabinet at the end of the room, and back to the bed. As I did so, I would focus on breathing techniques and a repeated set of numbers to mark my footsteps. This helps to build a foundation of rhythm for recovery.

31st December: A very good friend from a school I used to work at arrived in their van, looking sleep deprived. The weather was horrendous, some of the worst I’ve ever seen. With snow forecast, I knew that time was short. But I had a problem – how to manage the six hour journey back home with a back in pain and trauma? I had no option but to take powerful painkillers, and then put all my weight on my hands for the entire journey. I soon lost the feeling in my right hand. Occasionally I would fall asleep and wake up to a painful jolt in my lower back as we drove over a pothole. We arrived back, both of us struggling now, at about 4pm. I am staying with a work colleague until I am able to head back to my actual home. I went to bed, exhausted, vaguely hearing what I assume were fireworks celebrating the start of 2025. Happy New Year?!

From the 1st onwards, I have focused entirely on recovering my basic abilities to walk and function. A full week on, I have not yet gone outside, and watch as the snow falls and the ice makes pavements treacherous. I can now walk up and down stairs, make a sandwich and a cup of tea but I still cannot bend down. I’m a bit puzzled as to how it all started or was caused. Either it was a very delayed result of hiking up and down ‘The Ben’, or it was the result of a very unlucky method of getting out of bed. I’m actually inclined to believe it was a bit of both. It all just goes to show that good health is nothing to take for granted – one day you can be fine, the next day you can be in hospital.

Each day, I have set myself a goals list. This has started as simply drinking and eating enough, as well as doing one circuit of the living room with two walking sticks for support every 30 minutes. Might sound crazy but a back recovery needs regular gentle exercise. I set alarms for medications and kept them to a minimum pain relief – this means less stomach upset and constipation, but also that if you genuinely need extra pain relief then the powerful drugs will have an immediate effect.

Some role models such as Ranulph Fiennes and Joe Simpson went through my mind. Both of them, through immense hardship, set themselves goals to guide them through pain and back to life. I found that if I failed one of my goals, I would get very irritated. If I completed one of them, elation and happiness. One example was successfully walking up the stairs using alternate feet for each step. This is a massive physical achievement to me right now.

Goal setting is a luxury when you have good health. When you have limited ability, it can become a lifeline to good mental health. That is why it is used and needed in some of the harshest times of our lives. Practicing it regularly is therefore very useful when you find you are ill or hospitalised.

And for the future?

My GP has told me that the MRI scan also showed some other things. My lowest discs on my spine are very worn down. This means being very selective about my adventures for 2025 because when those discs are gone…they’re gone. Then the adventures go too.

My focus is now going to shift. And this is the nature of goals – focus tends to recalibrate as we make progress. I have no intention now of making a living as an outdoor leader as I doubt my spine would cope in the long term. I do, however, intend to write a book or two. That way, I will be able to help others without needing to guide them personally.

It is sad to have less time outdoors to look forward to, but exciting to see how I can solve the many challenges that lie ahead. It’s not yet the end of the road. 2025 is therefore the year for me where I focus on planning a route through some of the trickiest ground I have ever had to navigate. I’m looking forward to the journey, and in the short term, being able enough to simply step outside of my friends’ front door!

Wishing you all the very best as you begin 2025. There are some good days ahead.